Insane Little Crossover - Takin' over Earth
by The Guy Formerly Known as
Summary: Um ... wierd - contains Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Pokèmon, Austin Powers, Bond, South Park and more besides... INSANE! SPECIALS: The Great Mighty Poo! A Whelk obseesed alien! Kyle's Mom is a Big Fat ... find out!
1. The insanity begins...

Disclaimer: If I owned any of the things in this pointless fic. If I did  
would I be here? Also, this contains almost-everything bashing. Even stuff  
I like.  
  
WARNING STEROTYPICAL CRAP!  
  
(shows all of Dr.Evils cronies around a table)  
  
Dr. Evil: To take over the world I intend to steal Austin Powers -  
MOJO! (evil music plays)  
Scott: You already did that, doofus.  
Dr. Evil: Zipit, www.zippit.org.uk!  
Scott: Why should I listen to you?  
Dr. Evil: Easy. (presses a button)  
  
Scott: AAAAAAH! (falls into a pit of flames)  
Mini-me: (really low) Yipee!  
Dr. Evil: Now anyway ...  
(sees a note)  
(reading) WE RETIRE.  
SIGNED  
Muffasa  
Craf  
Mini-me  
#2  
Mini-Mr.Bigglesworth  
Mr. Bigglesworth  
  
(normal) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
-TEN MINUTES LATER-  
Dr. Evil: HHHHH! Why? Oh, wh... who cares? (picks up the phone)  
We should work together, oh almost-as-evil-as-me-one! MUWUHAHAHAHAHA! MUWUHAHAHA! MUWUHAHAHA! MUWUHA!  
  
Voice: (over phone) Shut up!  
  
  
-MEANWHILE-  
  
(James Bond is going through a room blowing up a "love" doll)  
(he sees a phone of it's hook)  
(he picks it up)  
  
Dr. Evil: (over phone) We should work together, oh almost-as-evil-as-me-one!  
  
Bond: Oh my god! Evil is working togehter for once! Why should I care? I dunno.  
I'll tell the gang.  
  
(cut to scene of the inside of a warehouse)  
(Juno, Vela, Lupus, Conker, Harry Potter, Lyra, Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect  
Ash, Misty, Homer, Cartman, Austin Powers and a few other good guys are playing Scrabble)  
(There is a huge noise)  
  
Homer: 20 POINTS!  
Harry Potter: Homer, library hasn't got an "X" in it.  
Arthur Dent: How many points does 42 score?  
Ford Prefect: SHUT UP!  
Hitch-hikers guide: SHUT UP! A "greeting" used by annoyed peoples  
before they attack you with a Kill-O-Zap.  
Vela: Good idea. (silence) Lupus - "WOOF" is not a word.  
  
(Bond bursts in)  
  
Bond: Bad guys ... working together! (somehow everyone understands)  
Cartman: To the MYSTERY-MOBILE!  
  
(They rush out)  
(The most competent driver - Lupus (a dog) rushes to the front)  
(everyone else jumps through the back doors of the van)  
  
Ash: (lands on the ground) OW!  
Homer: Oh, sorry! The IRS repossesed the floor.  
Ash: NOW you tell me.  
Pikachu: PIII! (HAHAHA!)  
Ash: Shut up. (notices only Misty is looking concerned) Why is she concerned?  
Arthur: (thinking) What an idiot.  
Harry Potter: (thinking) If there was a stupidity curse he got hit by it.  
Ford: (thinking) What a whelk.  
Arthur: (thinking) Is Ford thinking about whelks? Stupid question. He ALWAYS  
thinks of whelks.  
Ford: (thinking) Rule Whelk-tannia.  
  
Cartman: Why don't we take the tank you assholes.  
Misty: Who are you calling an asshole?  
Cartman: You.  
Misty: You NEVER call me or Ash an asshole!  
Cartman: Thank you, now I know your weakness.  
Misty: ... Crap.  
Ford: This makes me think of a whelk I once ate...  
Cartman: You too, alien.  
Ford: Whelks...  
Arthur: IS THAT MAN MARRIED TO A WHELK?!  
  
  
To be continiued ...  
To be reviewed (hopefully)... 


	2. Ford's Whelks, Everyone Elses' Teddiez

-MEANWHILE, IN THE EVIL BASE-  
  
Dr. Evil smashed the door open.  
  
Panther King: Ahh ... hello Dr. Evil.  
Mizar: Hi.  
Team Rocket: Er ... hi.  
Proffesor (Panther King's): (holding up a chart showing a table leg supported  
by a squirell. He throws it away) Hello herr Evil.  
Dr. Evil: Don't call me herr, okay?  
Voldemort: Shut up Muggle.  
Mrs. Coulter: Yes, shut your f***ing face.  
Vogon Captain: Evoloution, who needs it?  
Mr. Burns: Shut up.  
Barbera Strisac: Yeah.  
Gary: I'm an idiot.  
Everyone: (applauds) Well done.  
One person: He finally figured it out.  
Prof: Okay, Teddiez ATTACK! Oh ... and send a general over...  
  
-IN THE GOODIE TANK-  
(Homer is singing Uptown Girl, badly)  
Homer: UPPPPPPPPPPP(China smash)TOOOOOWN(Glass smash) GGGGIIIIIIIRR  
(Lupus howls) LLLLLLLLD. Oh, I screwed up, want me to sing again.  
Misty: If you even sing one more note I'll jam your **** where the sun don't shine -  
and I don't mean on me.  
Homer: How'd you know about my ****?  
Misty: All guys have one - after all I do spy on Ash when he changes at Bathhous...  
Ash: You were saying...  
Misty: (blushing) Would you mind if I evaporate on the spot.  
Ash: Only if you stop looking at my ****.  
Lyra: (quitely) Feckin' idiot.  
Ford: I like whelks.  
Voices: (outside) Attack!  
Juno: What idiot Teddiez! (Machine Gun fire) One teddy left.  
Conker: TEDDIEZ! OMG! THE GREAT MIGHTY POO SHALL ARRIVE! LUPUS COME QUICK!  
BRING BOG ROLL!  
Lupus: Woof. (Mad.)  
Pikachu: Pi! (Guess so.)  
Hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy: Insane. Not sane, some insane people  
include Ford Prefect who is obsessed with Whelks, Zaphod Beeblebrocks  
for having a HUGE ego, Ash Ketchum because of lack of brain, Misty Waterflower  
because only 2% of her brain is NOT dedicated to staring at the former  
patient, WHO EVER THE HELL WROTE THIS BOOK! For god's sake I can't remember my name!  
(Lupus climbs up)  
Ash: Could you repeat that list? I was engros...thingyed with a loose screw.  
Misty: (gogling at Ash)(drools)  
Ash: I could swear I hear your name in there Misty.  
Misty: (snapping out of it) No, I wasn't.  
(up on top, Cartman, Lupus and Conker look at The Great Poo climbing towards them)  
  
INTERLUDE  
(It shows Vela, Juno, Lupus, Floyd and Mizar drinking still lemonade and tea whilst dunking biscuits  
(if you find this insulting to the British keep in mind that I am British, Rare is British, Douglas  
Adams was British))   
Mizar: What happened to that Asteroid thingy?  
Juno: Oh, it's gone sight-seeing - it'll arrive in a couple o' hours to  
pick us up.  
Mizar: Oh. (sips his tea)  
(shows the asteroid in New York wearing sunglasses - it zooms into his hand showing a mastercard)  
MASTERCARD - SEND MOTTO AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A FREE TOOTHPICK. $400.00 POSTAGE AND PACKING. 


	3. The new member...

  
Great Mighty Poo: I am the Great Mighty Poo  
And I'm going to throw my shit at you!  
A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish  
How about some scat you little twat?  
  
Dr. Evil: Awoo awoo oo!  
  
Great Mighy Poo: You really think you'll survive in here?  
You don't seem to know what creak you're in!  
Sweetcorn is the only thing that makes it through my rear  
How do you think I keep this lovely grin? (ting!)  
  
Mizar: Oh oh oh-hhh!  
  
Great Mighty Poo: Now I'm getting rather mad  
You're like a niggly tiggly shitty little tag nut!  
And when I've knocked you out with all my bab  
I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!  
Conker: Your butt?  
GMP: MY BUTT!  
Lupus: Wo Woof? (YOUR BUTT?)  
GMP: That's right my butt.  
Conker: Eew.  
GMP: MY BUTT!  
Lupus: WOOF! (ERW!)  
GMP: MMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT!  
  
Conker: BRING OUT THE TOILET ROLL!  
(Conker hurls some into GMPs mouth)  
GMP: UGH!  
  
I am the Great Mighty Poo  
And I'm going to throw my shit at you!  
A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish  
How about some scat you little twat?  
  
Conker: No thanks.  
(Lupus hurls some toilet roll into GMP)  
  
Great Mighty Poo: How am I supposed to get a date with TOILET ROLL!  
  
You really think you'll survive in here?  
You don't seem to know what creak you're in!  
Sweetcorn is the only thing that makes it through my rear  
How do you think I keep this lovely grin? (ting!)  
  
(Mizar and Dr. Evil leave)  
  
(More roll flies)  
  
UGHHH! WHY ME?   
  
Now I'm getting rather mad  
You're like a niggly tiggly shitty little tag nut!  
And when I've knocked you out with all my bab  
I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!  
Conker: Your butt?  
GMP: MY BUTT!  
Lupus: Wo Woof? (YOUR BUTT?)  
GMP: That's right my butt.  
Conker: Eew.  
GMP: MY BUTT!  
Lupus: WOOF! (ERW!)  
GMP: MMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT!  
  
Okay, I surrender - I'll join you!  
  
(everyone else comes out)  
  
Ash: Serves you right for being an accident of a lax - a -tive.  
Misty is that how it's pronounced?  
Misty: Depends whether you're saying it.  
Ash: What?  
Ford: Whelkin' idiot.  
Arthur: STOP TALKING ABOUT WHELKS!  
GMP: MY BBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!  
Cartman: Seriously if you don't get in the ****ing tank I am gonna ****ing  
castrate each one of you personally.  
(Everyone gets in the tank)  
  
Voice: Whelks.  
Arthur: FORD! IF YOU DON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT WHELKS THEN I'LL CUT YOU  
UP INTO LITTLE PIECES AND STOMP ON THEM UNTIL I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING  
WORSE TO DO!  
Ash: What's a laxative, ****, ****, ****, whelk and chocolate starfish?  
Misty: Look I'll show you the last one...  
Ash: Please don't. 


	4. Ooooh .... Kyle's Mom's a BITCH!

Disclaimer: If you can't guess then I better give up writing...  
  
Misty: C'mon!  
Ash: No.  
Misty: Yes.  
Ash: No.  
(10 minutes later)  
Ash: No.  
Misty: What were we talking about again?  
Ford: Whelks?  
(Arthur pulls him up to the top of the tank)  
SFX: Wheeeeee!  
Ford: OW!  
Lupustheflyingdog: I've decided that this is too monotonous so - (Big Gay Al  
appears and sings I'm Super!) - IT'S A MUSICAL.  
Cartman (singing along with everyone else):   
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom?  
she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world -  
she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair!  
She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch!  
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, she's a stupid bitch!  
Kyle's Mom is a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch!  
I really mean it.  
Kyle's mom she's a big fat ****ing bitch!  
Big fat ****ing bitch! Kyle's mom! Yeah!  
(Ford and Kyle's Mom magically appear)  
Kyle's Mom: (clears throat)  
Cartman: (turns round) Oh. ****!  
Lupustheflyingdog: This is boring, let's make it more interesting.  
(shows Ash and Misty stuck naked in a broom cupboard being cut open by Jack Torrence)  
(shows Lyra casually talking to Will (from the same series of books))  
(shows Bond being the camera man filming the second South Park movie)  
(shows everyone else back at base playing chess)  
Jack Torrence: Here's Johhny ... wait that ain't my name at all - maybe I should change the  
script?  
Lupustheflyingdog: To heck with it. Everyone you are now in a room with doors if you get the wrong one  
you must watch you're worst nightmare.  
(Ash, Cartman and Austin Powers check doors and run out screaing)  
Ash: I saw myself SLEEPING with GARY!  
All: EEEW!  
Cartman: I dreamed I went on a diet!  
Austin Powers: I dreamed my shag pad burned down!  
---  
Mrs. Coulter: I just remembered I'm dead. (vanishes)  
Gary: That was wierd.  
  
Next chapter: The Final Showdown ... pth! Yeah, as if! 


	5. Flashbacks and Intermission - not recomm...

Disclaimer: This is just a pointless thingy kay?  
  
FLASHBACKS!  
  
Lupustheflyingdog's POV  
  
(You see swirling colours and question marks flying round)  
  
Same flashback - normal POV  
  
(you see a busy street)  
  
Mizar's POV  
(SPOILER FOR ONE OF THE END MOVIES IN JET FORCE GEMINI!)  
  
Floyd: Ahem. May I be of assistance? There are plently of fissures wide enough.  
Vela: Floyd, you don't have to do this you know.  
Floyd: Perhaps, not so long ago I wouldn't've done this. But now I see it is the right thing to do - it has been an honour to know you Jet Force.  
  
(TEN MINUTES LATER)  
Barry: But I'm not Mizar!  
Mizar's Head: (sneaks away and grows a new body)  
  
END FLASHBACKS  
  
NORMAL POV  
  
Lupustheflyingdog: Well ... that was wierd.  
  
INTERMISSION  
  
Lupustheflyingdog: So, Misty, you want to sing your song?  
Misty: Yeah.  
Lupustheflyingdog: Well ...  
Mr. Hat: NO! YOU GO TO HELL! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!  
(elsewhere)  
Mizar: So I'm actually dead if it wasn't for my AI I would've gone.  
Juno: Anyone wanna switch seats - I don't want to go mad before me, Vela , Jeff, Barry and the Fabulous   
Mining Mole Brothers go into the story.  
Kenny: {Sure.}  
(they switch seats)  
(Mizar accidently breathes green ice breath on Kenny - killing him)  
Mizar: Oops.  
Kyle: Oh my god! You killed Kenny!  
Stan: You bastard!  
(shows Lupustheflyingdog)  
LupusTFD: Now who is here.  
(shows a tall Cartman)  
Wrong site.  
(shows Blofeld)  
Pppth.  
(shows Dr. Evil)  
Oh yeah - shove him in...  
(it carries on like that)  
  
LupusTFD: I deny all responsibility for writing this chapter - even though I did. If you sue me you are   
fuckin' wankers.  



End file.
